3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
