Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
