Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
