She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
