Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
home. puking in laundry basket.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
