I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
