Why are handjobs necessary in class?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
