i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
