I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
