I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
