pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
