Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
