operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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