i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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