If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
is wine microwaveable?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
