I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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