boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
