Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
