wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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