I just made out with a guy for $7.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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