Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
