Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
