mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
