Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
