U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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