She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
