So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
