Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
