is your mom at the bar?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
