I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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