The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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