She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Panties = found
Randomize
