That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
