I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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