he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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