Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
