At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
she told me i tasted like america
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
