Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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