Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
