Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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