I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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