people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
