u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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