where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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