hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
