just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
