you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
