Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
