I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
