You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
