Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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