I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I believe in your delicious
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
