every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
