and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
