Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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